Welcome to the first Blog of the After Times!

Hello all and welcome!

I hope this note finds you and yours well, and your kingdom free of lice, snakes, acid dust, locusts, frog storms, Komodo Dragons and the inedible and less delicious species of roaches.

You might wonder what you’re reading right now. Well, obviously you’re reading text written in blood on the skin of a dead squirrel that’s been nailed to a tree in what they called Central Park in The Before Times – that much is obvious – but you might wonder at some deeper level what you’re reading*.

Well I will tell you – remind you.

By my count, it’s been almost ten years now since The End of The Before Times and that cursed Napalm Frog attack that signaled The Beginning of the After Times. If you recall, in those free-wheeling, foot-lose and fancy-free Before Times, a favorite activity of many was blogging. Remember that? I blogged. Perhaps you did too.

Rather than spending our days huddled outside the former Natural History Museum, hoping to make a meal out of one of the delicious and easy-to-hunt blind dinosaurs that seem to reanimate there each morning as we do now, in The Before Times we’d simply order up a Portobello wrap and blog about our day whilst sipping fine coffee spiked with liquor.

I miss blogging a lot. So guess what? I'm gonna start doing it again! This is my blog! I am once again a blogger! Do you hear me Gods? I’m going to blog now, and unless you come down here from Valhalla to rain fire upon me, like you did last Tuesday, you’re not going to stop me!

So again: welcome readers! Check back at this spot periodically. Whenever possible, I will nail to this tree entertaining and insightful posts on squirrel skin, velociraptor skin, zombie skin, Olsen Twin Clone skin or whatever other kind of skin is trading cheapest at The Great Trading Post at the corner of Duane and Reade Streets.

In The Before Times, my blog dealt with a great variety of subject matter – politics, sports, art, music, nightlife and delicious, delicious food. This After Times blog will do the same. Whether it’s commentary on the wisdom of King The Donald’s unsavory poisoning of Archbishop The Hoff via hemlock-tainted raccoon burger or my take on the Brooklyn Undeads trading their star pitcher and a left fielder to the Staten Island Irrelevants for a semi-trained white tiger and a five-gallon bucket of fluffernutter, you can be sure I’ll have something to say.

So stay tuned, readers. It’s gonna be a wild ride.

And remember: try not to die today!

Nonymous

*If you are wondering what you’re reading on this deeper level, congratulations on not catching this last winter’s brain-wasting disease and surviving last spring’s undead baby seal invasion, in which many unsuspecting citizens suffered brain damage due to violent exposure to what the seals called “the revenge clubs.”